Friday, 30 December 2005
Some interesting conclusions:
(I’m certain to get in trouble)
How I can prove God exists:
Premise one: Holy Water kills Vampires.
Premise two: God is the only thing that can make Holy Water holy.
Premise three: There is a great shortage of vampires lately.
Conclusion: Therefore God exists.____________________________________________________________________________
How I can prove God is gay.
Premise one: God is all-knowing.
Premise two: Knowing what it is like to be a man who can please and be pleased sexually by another man is possible knowledge.
Premise three: Anyone who knows intimately what it is like to be a man who can please and be pleased sexually by another man is gay.
Conclusion: Therefore God is gay.
Suffice to say, "God is not just queerer than you suppose...he's queerer than you can suppose."____________________________________________________________________________
Christians have an absolute moral obligation to be promiscuous genocidal abortionists:
Premise one: It is appropriate for a Christian to be a good steward for the Kingdom of God in terms of eternity...not just this passing life.
Premise two: Few people will be saved…thus most will be punished for all eternity in hell.
Premise three: Aborted babies go straight to heaven.
Premise four: A Christian parent is responsible to make sure that their children will be more likely to go to heaven.
Premise five: If a Christian has 10 children in their family, it is fair to say not all of them will make it to heaven if they reach adulthood.
Premise six: If a Christian aborts all 10 children…they will all be guaranteed to go straight to heaven.
Premise seven: It is too risky in terms of eternity to wager their salvation like this.
Conclusion: Therefore every good Christian that takes their metaphysical claims seriously to their fullest extent should be a promiscuous genocidal abortionist.