Friday, 30 December 2005
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Proofs (God exists, he's gay, and we should kill babies)
Some interesting conclusions:
(I’m certain to get in trouble)
How I can prove God exists:
Premise one: Holy Water kills Vampires.
Premise two: God is the only thing that can make Holy Water holy.
Premise three: There is a great shortage of vampires lately.
Conclusion: Therefore God exists.
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How I can prove God is gay.
Premise one: God is all-knowing.
Premise two: Knowing what it is like to be a man who can please and be pleased sexually by another man is possible knowledge.
Premise three: Anyone who knows intimately what it is like to be a man who can please and be pleased sexually by another man is gay.
Conclusion: Therefore God is gay.
Suffice to say, "God is not just queerer than you suppose...he's queerer than you can suppose."
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Christians have an absolute moral obligation to be promiscuous genocidal abortionists:
Premise one: It is appropriate for a Christian to be a good steward for the Kingdom of God in terms of eternity...not just this passing life.
Premise two: Few people will be saved…thus most will be punished for all eternity in hell.
Premise three: Aborted babies go straight to heaven.
Premise four: A Christian parent is responsible to make sure that their children will be more likely to go to heaven.
Premise five: If a Christian has 10 children in their family, it is fair to say not all of them will make it to heaven if they reach adulthood.
Premise six: If a Christian aborts all 10 children…they will all be guaranteed to go straight to heaven.
Premise seven: It is too risky in terms of eternity to wager their salvation like this.
Conclusion: Therefore every good Christian that takes their metaphysical claims seriously to their fullest extent should be a promiscuous genocidal abortionist.
;) Ben
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Comments (16)
On the other hand, Christians should be all about forcing muslim and mormon families to abort, or else give up their children. Upbringing is the single greatest determining factor of one's faith, and Christians need to attack this stronghold of Satan called the family.
IS,
I don't know...it follows that a Christian male would seek to impregnate as many women and abort as many babies as possible to fully populate heaven...and thus there are plenty of evangelistic opportunities along the way. And there will always be more non-Christians making more heathens to spread the gospel to. So you can still do both with an appropriately high success rate for the Kingdom of God. It's better than knowing full well statistically some of your offspring will likely burn in hell for all eternity. But I do see your point.
ARU
loser
love
L
lol. Hi. I was looking through xangas and came across yours and I found your entries to be particularly inttiguing.
Question: so are you christian or aganostic? (Its confusing to see your screen name and then your blogrings)
Props for being you.
How so? Spirit isn't just a Christian thing, if that's what you mean.
OG,
What are you talking about? Pushing Traci "over the edge" (of that chair, I guess) is a capital offense! ;)
ARU
ARU: I liked the God is gay part best.
Fewer gems? On the contrary..those gems are based on how many souls you save. Clearly you'd get more on your scoreboard for being so shrewd with your reproductive resources.